For any of you that know me, you know that I love coffee. Like a lot. Luckily, most of my friends do too so every hang out turns into girl talk and coffee dates. One afternoon I was enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee with one of my dearest friends. We went from discussing our favorite drinks and preferred flavor of creamer, to talking about the depths of what God is doing in our lives. First, I need to add this in here, this girl isn’t one for superficial answers. She asks questions, and deep ones, and expects honest answers. She isn’t satisfied with “Oh, I’m doing great!” when she knows you are secretly struggling. So, anyways, as I was answering her questions and sharing about my life, she said to me with a smile, “Nicole, you need to throw away the “should” ‘s! ” (You can imagine that I expected something different to come out as she began to say the word “should”) This statement puzzled me at first, and then I came to the realization of what she meant. As I sat there I had realized my whole conversation was filled with:
“I should feel…”
“I should think…”
“I should be doing…”
“I should… I should… I should.”
All of my thoughts were surrounding the idea that “I should” be feeling a certain way about things and that because of that, I should be doing certain things or reacting in a certain way.
Where the heck does this even come from? Where did this idea of ‘should’ come from? I don’t have the answers, but my first thought is: society. Society fills our brains with the way our lives ‘should’ look and the kind of person we ‘should’ be and the things we ‘should’ have in order to be happy and successful. It basically tells us how we ‘should’ be doing everything in our lives. This, my friends, is truly disturbing to me. Why are we being told what we need or how our lives ‘should’ look in order to make us happy? Why are we be comparing our lives to that of those in Hollywood? To people that we are honestly nothing like (and probably never will be like). Why are we comparing our lives to the perfect ideals placed in our brains by society?
Now you may be like, “What.. No I never compare myself to celebrities. I don’t care what they’re doing I know they don’t live realistic lives.” Well 1. I’m gunna go ahead and say that’s probably a lie if you have never compared yourself to a celebrity for even a second and 2. If so, then let’s think of this on a smaller scale. How often do you find yourself scrolling through Instagram or Twitter and thinking to yourself (or in my case out loud to my roommates) “Oh my gosh she’s so much prettier than me”, “Ugh their life is so perfect”, “Awww look how cute and happy they are”. Whether its openly or subconscious, I can almost guarantee that you have compared you and your life to someone else and theirs at some point and time. Why? Why do we do this… It seems natural right? But this continued comparison is detrimental to your happiness.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
When you compare your life, your looks, your grades, you personality, your body, your relationships (I could go on for a while) your anything and everything, you are beginning to tell yourself “Oh I need X, Y and Z in order to be as happy as fill in the blank” Why would we ever want to do this to ourselves? Is this what God intends for your life? Would He ever want you to try to strive to be like another person or seek material things of this world to attain happiness? (That sounded kinda crazy as I wrote it down, but that is essentially what we are doing when we compare ourselves to others and to the “should” ‘s)
NO! NO, NO, NO!
This is not of the Lord. Its just not. “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” -Romans 12:2 BOOM. God desires you to be transformed to Christ-likeness by pursing His heart, He doesn’t desire you to be like the world, or even strive to be like the world. The moment that you stop comparing your life to others is the moment you become free. Free to experience the life that God has intended for you. Free to appreciate every gift God has given you, no matter how small. Free to live with the love of Jesus in your heart.
So friends, stop playing this game. Stop playing the game of “whose life is better” in your head. Stop comparing yourself. Be where you are at. Any thoughts of “I should…..” whatever it may be, need to be thrown away. “The Lord with fight for you. All you have to do is be still.” -Exodus 14:14 So be still. Rest in the love and grace of God. He wants you as you are. He wants your heart, no matter what it is feeling. He doesn’t want you to look like “the others” or to come to Him with the “should” ‘s. He wants you. He wants your real and honest heart.
So as my wonderful friend told me, throw away the “should” ‘s! Rest in the Lord’s love. Be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10). Let Him love you where you are at. Experience the freedom that is the love of Christ.
He>I 